Review: Burlesque
Whoaa-ohh-ohh-whoa-ohhhhh.
Welcome to your annual fix of musical-diva-drama, drama, drama. Burlesque follows Ali (Christina Aguilera) as she gives up the triflin’ life o’ small town bar-tending Iowa for the big lights of Los Angeles. Stumbling upon a sexy burlesque club her first night in town, she befriends the Kentucky barman Jack (Cam Gigandet after a turn at Twilight — but let’s admit it, we all remember him best as badboy Kevin from The OC). Abiding by the tried-and-tested Coyote Ugly format – except he’s the bashful songwriter and she’s the sassy, over-confident hustler, it’s a match that’s too good to come true.
Impatient, ambitious Ali troops right on up to club owner Tess (Cher) and her right-hand man Sean (the ever brilliant Stanley Tucci) but is swatted away like the irritating fly she is. That is, until a series of lucky moments makes her the star of the club. Obviously.
Replete with massive eyelashes, handfuls of pearls and more twitching bums you can make a grab at, Burlesque is everything it has ever promised. Which is, incidentally, only one moment that is realistically burlesque (thanks to Allan Cumming), and a whole load of Hollywood glamour. As Xtina’s film debut it’s a good start. Characterisation is fittingly shallow with hilariously poor dialogue and paint-by-numbers writing. However, there are still some good performances and fun musical numbers keep the tempo upbeat and the dazzle razzlin’.
It’s an excellent drunk-with-girlfriends movie, and you won’t want to miss Kristin Bell’s movie-stealing moment with the line of the year: “I will not be upstaged by some chick with mutant lungs!’
Burlesque is out now in the US, and is released this Friday, 17 December in the UK.
The Other Guys, part deux
Don’t worry, they’re not coming out with a sequel. Well, not as far as I’m aware.
Since I reviewed The Other Guys when it was released in October, I thought I’d share the big celebration that its PR company has in store for the DVD release.
I present to you: The Worst Autotuning Attempt At Zeitgeist You Will Ever Hear
Enjoy!
Wait. Are they trolling me or am I trolling you?
P.S. I apologise for my blogging remiss. But not for this. Welcome back to regularly scheduled programming at Uncultured Critic!
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